Hey Xanga bloggers! I just want to let you know that I might not be posting as often here since I now have a Tumblr account. It's going to be same as Xanga, but I think I am going to post more stuff than here.

So if you wish to check it out: it's http://www.clairbear828.tumblr.com

Also I got Twitter, but I don't go on it as much. Feel free to follow me though: http://twitter.com/cvergz

Finally, I got UStream  as well, but I don't think I would be using it too much: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/cvergz

I recently talked to my mom when I just came home from a party last night. She was frustrated and stressed because I slept at my fiance's house. This is not the only time she felt like this because I'm a girl and he's a guy. I can't stay at his house until I'm married. That's according to my culture. However, I'm turning my back on my mom because I needed to stay at Viktor's house last night. Why? The weather was terrible, and I recently got involved in an accident. It was freezing rain, and the roads would be slippery due to ice. Viktor was concerned about me and so, he didn't let me drive. Plus it was around 1am.

I come home late afternoon and all I hear is my mom lecturing me about how she feels. She feels ashamed, embarassed, and frustrated that I don't listen. I have mentioned to her several times that his parents don't mind. It doesn't matter to her, and what she cares is how I acted. She told me that I should have planned ahead, and I should left at an earlier time. Then she ended it with the usual threat of moving out of the house if I continue to do this. Whenever something like this happens, I always let Viktor know. I tell him everything.

However, I just think that my parents are missing the point. I mean why am I not allowed to sleep over at Viktor's, even if it's for my safety? Would they want me to crash with a rental car that I am using? Of course they would not. Plus my friends, Viktor and I always hang out until 1am... maybe even later. No one goes home around 10pm or 11pm unless it's really important. I'm really getting frustrated here. Not to mention that all my friends know about this, they are saying that I shouldn't put up with this. "She's 23! She can't be told to do what she wants." one of them would say. I have to agree with them because I should not be restricted. Even though I still live at home, but I shouldn't be restricted to what I want to do.

Also, I just think about what my mom's impression of being lady is wrong. She wants me to be modest, pure, honest, and responsible. She wants me to walk with poise. If that's what I have to do, then I'm just going to be a stuck up person. That's what Viktor told me when he first saw me. If I did continue to be a stuck up person, then he doesn't want to do anything with me. Sometimes, I have to take risks to do something, even if it's against my mom's wishes. If I want to do something, just do it! If there is an opportunity to find a place and not risk my safety, I do it. I cannot be restricted to what I want to do. I do have a mind, and only I control it. No one tells me how to live my life, but only me... and Viktor. When the time comes, I am going to move out of my parents' house. It may be bittersweet, but I know that I'll be happier.

I couldn't help but feel bad because how can some people be so stupid and intimidating? I always call her "Blondie" because of her being a blonde. Let's call her Barb for anything else. I just heard today from work that she mentioned about a week ago that it's a "luxury" to have coffee supplies at work. WHAT?!?! For 2 1/2 years that I worked in the Accounting department, I made the runs from the store to work during my lunch hour, and she says that it's a luxury to have milk and cream at work. That's ridiculous. My co-worker mentioned about putting a name label on the dish soap because the previous one was apparently "stolen". So she was too sensitive to have it stolen.

She's a type of boss that she wants to run the show. My current boss, who is the president of the company, yells so loud because of her (and they are actually brother and sister). She thinks that she's the one who runs everything, but she's only the treasurer of the company. All she could do is talk like there is no tomorrow, and it's annoying. Everyone is for sure annoyed or bothered in any way. I know I am, and I consider myself lucky for working for my current boss. I think the work ethics are poor, and it feels like I'm restricted to what I'm only asked to do. I learned in the community college that I attended to find changes, to improvise, but I couldn't do much. She doesn't like change.

Not to mention that I got some stories to relate to how stupid and intimidating she is. First, she got pissed off at me for not knowing the size of milk and cream cartons that I needed to go. That was actually the first time I did that run, and I'm not a coffee drinker. Plus how am I supposed to know that I needed to get the large ones? Second, she gets pissed off when she asked a specific person or she gave a specific note, and it was not taken to consideration. For example, she yelled at her son who was working at the Import office at that time, because she wanted to talk to the guy who was fixing the roof. However, the guy had left and somehow, everyone hardly noticed that he was even at the building. Then I also remember that there was a note that she left about an entry, but it bursted into a big argument between her and my current boss. It was yelling here, yelling there, and it was awful. Not too long ago, she was yelling at him about some insurance and all of a sudden I could hear my current boss yelling through the building walls.

Then there's the Canadian holidays like Easter Monday, and Remembrance Day. Those days are when the office is open, but the post office is not so I was told to keep the invoices until the next day. I was bored one time, and I was all caught up. What was I supposed to do? I decided to start folding and stuffing the envelopes, but the Accounting girls have warned me that Barb would yell. So when she came in, I told her and she wasn't too happy about it. Her excuse is the fear of having duplicates and more work to take the invoices out and re-stuffing it. If I can't do that, then what am I supposed to do? Sit there and pick my nose? I want to keep myself busy.

One last thing, Barb never lets us out early. Even when the work is done, I have to try and keep myself busy. There is this one and only instance that I was able to go home early. It was very rare for her to do so. I just mentioned to her that I have some work set aside, I'll work on them tomorrow to keep me busy. Then she decided to let me go. I just kept myself quiet, and left for the night. However, a popular story told is when Barb didn't even let her co-workers go... even in a snow storm. According to one of the Accounting girls, the power in the building was out, everyone in the Import side has gone home, and they were still working. As for Barb, even though it was a blizzard outside, she thinks that it's not so bad. Really? Is she blind? One of the reasons why I like the other side now is because of how I was dismissed early for the day. It's great and that's how it should be.

Anyway, I hope someone would realise what Barb is doing. Her ethics and poor leadership as a manager are poor, and she also has to realize that she is not the one running the show. Also, there are things that we want to keep it nice and short. Think about what is appropriate or not so that a meeting doesn't drag on, otherwise, use a memo. I really consider myself lucky because if not, I would have resigning as an option.

Since it's been a while for me to write another Xanga post, and on weddings, I decided to post about what I imagine my wedding to be. Of course like the title says, it's in 5 years. I wanted to be something sweet, and nice, nothing over the top, and celebrates the love of me and my fiancé, Viktor.

The wedding ceremony would take place in a church, in Spring. I grew up as a Roman Catholic, my parents are also Roman Catholic, while Viktor and his parents are Greek Catholic/Eastern Orthodox. It's something I want to carry on because that's what my parents and my future parents-in-law would want. Then the photos would be taken at this place near the lake here in my hometown, where there's these trees, and flowers... and it looks pretty.

The reception would be either in a hotel and in a banquet hall. That one is not decided yet because I'm still debating on where to have it. I rather have the wedding ceremony, the picture taking, and the reception to be all at one area. I don't want everyone driving around all over the place. If it takes place in my hometown, it would most likely be at the hotel here. Even though, I think it's a bit tacky since my 18th birthday was celebrated there, and my sister's 18th birthday was celebrated there then the number of parties celebrated there by my family friends.

Now the dress, I just want it simple, but elegant. I want sparkles, but not too flashy. Nothing over the top, just right. I made a mistake of buying the dress without anyone knowing with the exception of Viktor, until we decided to spill the beans on our closest friends and the future in-laws. It was a simple dress with a folded style, and it came with the belt. But you know what? I decided to make it up to them so I invited my mom, Viktor's mom, and my friend (and future bridesmaid) Elaine, to the bridal shop, the night before the deposit went in. I called ahead of time to get the sample dress ready, and everyone was firing questions at the person I dealt with, etc. while I was putting on the dress. I loved it the first time I tried it on, but at that time (the second time), it felt different. I didn't feel as happy as I was before. Plus my mom was pissed off because the person I dealt with, Minnie, told her right at her face that the dress can be made and bought, if she had the time.... with the open palm of her hand right at her face. Because of treating my mother like that, I decided to change my mind. I don't like someone to be pushy around my mom. Ever since then, I never went to any other wedding dress shops to try on any dresses until a time closer to my wedding.

Another thing is that Viktor has seen the dress. How? When I was in the hospital to check on some abdominal pain, he was looking around in my wallet to pass the time. He found the receipt that I still kept from that bridal shop. The style number was on there, and he decided to look it up. He found it and showed it to me if it was the one. He did say he liked it. So now that dress is gone since he saw it, I'm going to be looking for a new one.

Since the wedding is going to be in the Spring, I imagine bright colours like pink, blue, yellow, etc. In my closest, I have a purple dress, white/green dress, yellow dress, and I used to have a pink dress that I wore in my 18th birthday, and a gold dress that I wore on my sister's 18th birthday. You can say that I love dressing up. But I gotta love two colours, blue and yellow. Blue is the colour of my first car, it's a fierce colour and I love it. Yellow is also my favourite because it's vibrant, strong, reminds me of sunshine, and this story. I was choosing a dress to wear to my friend's wedding. I found this cute tea dress and I decided to have Viktor to see it. It was yellow with black polka dots, and a black ribbon. On the day I wore the dress, I wore it with a black shawl and have a fan as an accessory. (Plus it was a hot day too.) He loved the whole ensemble. He couldn't get his eyes off me. So yellow would be my theme.

Finally, the number of people attending is going to be a lot. I'm coming from a culture where a family is more than just my parents, grandparents, sisters, and relatives. To make a long story short, it's going to be a rendition of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". The only thing is that I'm Filipino.

Just recently, a good friend of mine, let's call him Nathan, broke up with his now-ex-girlfriend. Let's call her Jamie. The first time I met her was at a Halloween party being held by another friend of ours. She seemed really nice and all, but there was something about her that was not right. I heard from my fiancé that she has two kids so she's a single mom. I never cared why she has two kids but not married, until the break up happened.

It all began with them planning to meet together with Jamie's mom, and both agreed. Later on, Nathan came to Jamie's house, and Jamie was nowhere to be found. He tried calling her cell phone, but she never picked. On top of that, her son was sick with a cold. So where is Jamie? It turns out that Jamie went out with another guy, drinking and hanging out. Not to mention that the guy she hung around with deals with drugs, according to what I heard. My fiancé was the first one to hear about this from Nathan. I talked to Nathan that night through FB chat, and mentioned that I heard from my fiancé about what happened. I comforted him, and said that he needed someone better than her. I am happy to hear from him that he is moving on, and doesn't want to be involved with her anymore.

This sickens me. First of all, her son is sick. Doesn't she supposed to be there to take care him, instead of getting drunk? Second, she was hanging out with another guy who deals with drugs. Really? When I look at this from my perspective, which I grew up in a well-rounded family, the guy is a bad influence. And third, with all those happening, does she think that she's setting a good example to her kids when they have kids of their own? I don't think so. When I have kids, everything from going to clubs to drinking is gone. I want to settle down, and take care of my kids before I think of what I want to do. Plus I can't find happiness in alcohol or drugs. If I look into those, I become materialistic, and it would become something that would make me depressed. I would depend on alcohol or drugs to keep me going for a while until it becomes an addiction, which is not good. Finally, she just cheated on Nathan. But why? Is it because of Nathan suffering from MS? Is she happy with Nathan? Whatever the reason is, it's unacceptable. Maybe that's why she has two kids to take care of on her own. I think she is setting a bad example because a mother cannot do that. A mother should be there taking care of their kids.

So what we learned from here? Don't go anywhere if your kid or one of your kids is sick. set a good example, be faithful with your loved ones, and happiness cannot be found in materialistic things. Do something that you like to do like drawing, or read a book. That way you are happy doing something you like, and at the same time, you are within reach with your kids.